I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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