friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
