Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Randomize
