his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
