Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
