I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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