She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
