I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
