He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
