Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
