A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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