she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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