well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
