i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
