Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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