Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
