Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
