My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
