Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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