I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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