From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
