You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize