Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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