My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
