Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
