I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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