The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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