I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
