The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
