Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize