I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I need help removing her.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
me + whiskey = a bad person
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
