wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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