She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
