I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Even the bartender felt bad for me
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
