hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You made out with two different species that night
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
