in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
