That's intense
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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