I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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