I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
