I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Found your dick twin last night
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
