all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
