Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
