Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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