I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
