"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
