I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
