haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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