Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
