Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
