I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
