no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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