How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
