mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
