I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
