I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
