Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
