these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Holy sore nipples Batman
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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