Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Randomize
