It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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