I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
