i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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