you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My liver is preforming stress tests.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize