is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
where am i from again
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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