You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
