Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
