So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize