Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
