i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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