just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize