You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
