so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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