you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
