let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
