Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
