How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
