Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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