this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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