We're facebook friends in real life
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
