I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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