I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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