I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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