I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize