we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
