if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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