dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize