My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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