Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
