i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
