put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
