In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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