I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
