There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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