i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
