Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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