Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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