please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The uberlube is also flammable
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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