I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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