I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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