Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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