I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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