thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
