All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
