He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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