If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
