He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
