This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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