the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just pee around me
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
