Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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