We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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