The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
