God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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