I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
