If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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