im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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