i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
